music.

I love music. I love how I feel when I’m listening to music, and I really love how I feel when I’m making music. I love how it can lift my soul or soothe my heart, I love how it feels to be part of the sound and surrounded by the beauty of a chord. And I love how one song can bring back memories and feelings you haven’t felt or thought about in years.

I was doing a little music surfing this evening and came across a song by someone I was so in love with a very long time ago, and it only took a few chords to have me smiling nostalgically. The feelings I had for him bubbled up inside and a hundred memories flashed through my mind as I listened. Even now, as I’m sitting here writing about it, I have a silly grin on my face just thinking about that time in my life.

As soon as I close this entry, I’m going to hunt up a few CDs to play in my car on the way to work, and I’m sure my dreams will be sweet tonight.

the wonder of spanx.

This past Sunday I spent the afternoon over at my brother and sister-in-law’s house, entertaining the kiddos while their parents had a chance to get something done (without the constant demand for attention required by a 3 year old and her one year old brother who don’t get 24-hour Mommy and Daddy time through the week). It’s really a win-win situation: I get to hang out and play with two of my favorite munchkins, and the bro and SIL get to do the 9 million things they can’t usually get to because they are busy working parents.

This particular weekend was a clean-out-the-closets-to-make-room weekend. My SIL is from Poland, and her immediate family still lives there so, outside of the wonderful world of Skype and wireless communication, they don’t see each other very often. My SIL’s mom deals with this by shopping–shoes, clothes and accessories for my SIL and the two munchkins are all fair game and show up in big boxes every couple of months.

This creates a dilemma for my SIL: she loves her mom and knows that her mom misses her, and this is a way she deals with it and shows that my SIL is still at heart even while she isn’t at hand. However, SIL is more than slightly OCD and very “every object should have a purpose” minded and her style varies (sometimes vastly) from the clothing that arrives. She’s asked her mom not to send stuff, but it just upsets her, so SIL’s finally given up and accepted the fact she’s just going to have to take the clothes, put on a mini fashion show every month or two to weed out the keepers from the not-keepers, and get rid of the rest.

I have changed this process for her forever.

Though she’s been in this country for 10+ years, there are still a few things she’s missed out on. I’ve chuckled while listening to my brother explain the difference between a greeting card and a post card (and why it was necessary to correct her), and giggled while watching my father try to explain the word tart (she made an apple dessert that he called tart and she didn’t know what it meant, and listening to him try to explain it while not making it sound terrible–because it was very good. He’s an Engineer, not an English major). I’ve smiled while listening her lament about the clothing students choose to wear to class (I thought she would have a conniption the first time a student wore pajamas to her class. In Poland, you don’t even wear jeans–they’re not dressy enough to wear to school).

Or the glories of consignment boutiques.

We were chatting while I was watching the kids and she was trying on the newest box of clothes (and the clothes she kept because she thought she’d wear them or fit before she had 2 kids), and she said she hated to get rid of some of it because of the money her mom spent on it all, but what else was there to do but donate it all to Goodwill or the Salvation Army? And that’s when I said something that has changed her future: What about taking it to a consignment boutique for resale? Especially since a lot of the clothes she was getting rid of were professional-looking and many places give great discounts to unemployed workers looking for interview clothes.

My bargain-minded SIL was immediately and obsessively interested. We talked about where to take the clothes, what all they took (just clothes? what about shoes? purses? kids stuff?) and how the process works, where these shops were located, do you get money or store credit, and 15 other questions.

Then the second wave of her fashion show started and we added another level of evaluation to the mix: would she really wear it or would it be better to try to sell it? It was during this process that I said the second life-changing sentence.

Why don’t you buy a pair of Spanx?

See, my SIL is beautiful and thin with perfectly curling hair. She’s in her mid-30s and has had 2 children and was able to put on a dress she wore when she was 18–the only thing that didn’t work was her rib cage has expanded a bit post-kids (not fat or flab, the actual structure here), and it was a little shorter than would be considered work appropriate (especially since we work at a college).  She was a ballroom dancer and loves hiking and was a vegetarian for quite a few years, and lived in a country where you walk everywhere instead of getting in your car to drive to the next store in the strip mall (there may be a closer parking spot).

She was standing there, beautiful as usual in sloppy socks and a ribbed sweater dress that had only the appropriate number of hills and valleys (read: no spare tire rolls) and fit like the pictures in catalogs tell you they’re supposed to, and said, “If only I could get rid of this! This is what 2 kids does to your body!” while grabbing her non-existent tummy and shaking it.

After looking at her with, I’m sure, a very unsympathetic expression, I made my Spanx suggestion. You see I, on the other hand, am well acquainted with the wonder and torture of “Dear God, please make me look thinner!” underwear. As a large-framed female, I have spent most of my life twisting and sweatily-wiggling into elastic underwear that promises to make me look “at least 2 sizes smaller!” I believe my first pair was the disastrously and unflatteringly-named girdle in the fourth grade that my grandmother purchased to help me look smaller (though when you’re taller than your 5th grade teacher with your father’s bone structure, smaller isn’t really an option). Even if I starved myself for a year, I wouldn’t be a size 4.

Needless to say, this caused another flurry through the pile of clothes while I alternately voiced my opinion on clothing options and sang “On Top of Spaghetti” with my niece and distracting my nephew from the million things he’s not supposed to play with while he ignored the million toys he could choose to play with instead.

love, laughter, honesty and family.

There are times when I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the things my niece and nephew do, mostly because it was something they weren’t supposed to do, and I have to discipline them—which is less than effective if I’m cracking up while doing it.

And if you understood what I just said, you’re awesome.

The other day, I was picking my mom up from my brother & SIL’s house, and it was so nice out that the whole family was outside. I was hit with a number of things:

1. How big my nephew is getting! He was sitting in the Smart-Trike we bought for the niece’s first birthday. Because it was for her, we bought it in pink, so there’s the cute little guy, hanging out in this pink trike, wearing a fisherman’s hat that Velcro’s under the chin with the brim flipped up in front and a “Born to play football” onesie outfit on, grinning at me, big as Christmas. And his feet touched the stationary rests! I know he’s going to be a year in two months, but he’s the baby—who said he was allowed to get bigger? (and then I cracked up, because he leaned back on the seat and crossed his legs over the front wheel, all kicked back and relaxed with the fake cell phone in his hand. Yes, ladies, he’s available)
2. My niece is still struggling with the whole “you are now a big sister, and everything in the universe is no longer yours.” It’s hard to go from the first grandchild on both sides of the family to being a big sister. According to my mom, when they put the nephew in the trike, the niece had a bit of a meltdown to the tune of “It’s my bike! It’s mine! He can’t ride in it! It’s pink! Pink’s for girls!” After a talk with Grandma where they discussed how crummy it can be to have to share with your little brother, she perked back up (when you’re almost three, nothing keeps you down for long) and started playing her favorite games: “Chase me!” and “I’ll catch you!”
3. When you ask the niece a question, you’re probably going to get the truth. Yes, she has told lies, but she’s more likely to avoid the answer than lie (which I attribute to great parenting and just an awesome kiddo). For example, the books she’s not supposed to play with without supervision are on the top shelf of a bookshelf. This exchange happens frequently:
   

   Niece: Aunt Kris, come in here.
   Aunt Kris: Okay.
   Niece: Stand right here. (points right in front of the bookcase)
   Aunt Kris: Okay.
   Niece: Pick me up.
   Aunt Kris: Do you want something off the top shelf? Have you asked Mommy if it’s okay?
   Niece: Aunt Kris, pick me up. (completely ignoring the question)
   Aunt Kris: You know you need to ask before you play with anything up there. Why don’t you go ask Mommy or Daddy, and then we can get something off that shelf (I move toward the doorway with my hand out to have her leave the room)
   Niece: Aunt Kris, come over here and pick me up…

   She’ll do the same thing with toys in Toy Jail (the top of the entertainment center, where her toys go when she gets in trouble—all the toys she refused to pick up at bedtime or the toy she was immediately playing with when she does something naughty—go to Toy Jail, where she can see them, but not play with them). When Grandma, Papaw, or Aunt Kris come over, she’ll make a sad face (she has the most angelic face with those soft blonde curls and bright blue eyes) and point to whatever happens to be in Toy Jail and make a play for why she should get it back. She doesn’t lie about it—if you ask, she’ll tell you they’re in toy jail and what she did to get them there—but if you’re willing to spring them early, she’s all for it.

4. But her truth for that afternoon was when she decided to push her little brother in the Smart-Trike—and it got a little wild. I asked her if she was giving him a fun ride or trying to get rid of him, and she immediately replied, “Get rid of him!”
5. My nephew is a sweet little goofy goober. He’s got this fantastic, big-as-Christmas grin he gives when he sees you, and he’s learning to wave (sometimes you get just an outstretched hand, sometimes he’ll wiggle his fingers, sometimes you get a beauty queen-like wave). When we were heading into the house, Mom handed him off to me, so I was carrying him. He looked up at me, grinned real big and patted my cheeks with very wet hands (he’s teething; everything not tied down goes directly into his mouth), then buried his head in my chest and blew a raspberry. I cracked up. He straightens up and looks at me for a minute, then gives me another big grin before leaning down and blowing another raspberry on my chest! I lost it, which made him giggle, which is one of the best sounds ever (tied with the niece giggling).
   He has also begun to “shake his booty.” I was over there a few days ago, watching the kids so the bro & SIL could get stuff done, and we were sitting on the floor. The niece decided it was time to dance, so she’s hopping and skipping around the room in her pink princess dress—wiggling her butt every now and then—and the nephew decided to stand up while playing with a musical toy. It’s a walking toy, and he’s got his hands on it, then he leans over to chew on the top handle (I told you, everything goes into his mouth), and somehow hits a button to play a little tune. While standing there, hunched over to chew on the handle, he starts to wiggle his butt and bend his knees! I started to giggle, which made him turn around to look at me, and he did it again, grinning at me. I called Mommy & Daddy over, but of course he wouldn’t do it again.

I so very much love getting to spend time with these little sweethearts. It’s one reason I haven’t moved from the town I grew up in—I have four very special munchkins in my life, that I don’t want to miss being in their lives (the niece, nephew, my Goddaughter and her big sister). Yes, if I moved to a bigger city, there would be so many more opportunities, and I could be doing exactly what I would love to do—probably for more money. But I wouldn’t have the relationship I do with these sweet little people. I wouldn’t be able to hop over on a Sunday evening to watch the kids while their parents work at home. My niece wouldn’t run over to the phone when she hears my voice, just to tell me how she went poopy in the potty at the gym (this is a very big deal; potty training is in progress, and until about a week ago, she refused to go potty in a public restroom), or run over to me, sobbing, looking for comfort when she tripped and bumped her head on the coffee table. My nephew wouldn’t know me well enough to reach for me when he’s upset and cuddle with me when he’s sleepy. My Goddaughter’s big sister (she’s my little buddy) wouldn’t yell my name and launch herself at me when I come over to their house—and I wouldn’t have a Goddaughter at all, because I wouldn’t have the relationship with her mommy and daddy that I do now if I had moved away.

This may sound overly simple, and maybe not that important to many people, but it means the world to me. I love watching them grow and learn, spending time with them, and building a relationship with them. And I hope that they always understand I am there for them, that they can come to me and I’ll listen to them and love them, no matter what.

It seems especially important after the training we had last week at work. It was suicide prevention training, and the information was pretty frightening. According to the information presented, suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death in adolescents, and the 2^nd of college students. Over 1,100 college students commit suicide every year—that’s about 3 each day—and for every completion, there are 100-200 attempts. Over 10% of college students admit to thinking about committing suicide.

That information scares the crap out of me—and it hit home when they put up school pictures and ages of students who have committed suicide. It was with family permission and part of an exercise against profiling, but to see those faces, some as young as 11 years old, just broke my heart. It made me wonder if those kids had someone in their life they could just talk to, a friend they knew they could trust and would listen even when the conversation turns scary and dark, if it would have made a difference.

I don’t consider my choices to stay as much of a sacrifice—I get so much more out of staying that I know I’d make the decision again. To me, success means being happy and comfortable, and while there are days having absolutely no money and the frustrations of my job get to me, I’m okay with where I am. Are there things I still want to do, and do I hope I can progress and move up the chain, of course! But family is important, too—you don’t get a second chance at a person, and once you miss something, it’s gone forever. Jobs will come and go, but people matter.

movies.

While it is impossible to come to an organized and fair consensus on what the best movie of all time is, it’s much easier to reach into our own psyches and pull out the movies that we love; the movies that evoke some emotion in us; spine-tingling fear, tear-jerking joy or laughter, edge-of-the-seat thrills or the feeling that, having seen the film, we can now somehow see the world in a different light. These movies stay with us throughout our lives.

MSN Entertainment gathered a list that covers their favorite movies of all time. However, I do not necessarily agree with their choices–really, there’s only one on this list that measures up to their criteria of “life-changing.” Their list is below, with my notes on their choices and the movies I’ve seen in bold–and then my own list additions after.

1. The Wizard of Oz. I always find this movie to be one of those childhood classics that no one realizes is really more than that—like Grimm’s fairy tales. Most people who sit down to watch this loveable movie with their family have no idea that it is actually a very clever allegory written on the Populist movement. There are, of course, schools of thought that say Frank Baum was just writing a “modern day” fairy tale, but there are so many lines that can be drawn between the characters and the agrarian revolt of the 1890s that I have a hard time swallowing that one.

2. North By Northwest. As a scary movie wuss, I’m not up on my Hitchcock.

3. The Fellowship of the Ring. I’ve seen the first movie of the Hobbit Trilogy, but I’ve never been a Tolkien fan. And I realize people all over the world just dropped their jaws and looked at their screens with an aghast expression.

4. It’s a Wonderful Life. Another one that’s not a favorite. Actually, I spend most of my Christmas movie-watching time avoiding it and A Christmas Story. (I’m sure people are screaming, “You’re un-American!” at their computer screens as they read this)

5. Annie Hall. Never been a big Woody Allen fan.

6. The Shawshank Redemption I enjoyed this movie (who doesn’t love Morgan Freeman?), but it’s not one of my favorites.

7. The Graduate. Again, eh. It was okay.

8. Nashville

9. Lawrence of Arabia. I’ve seen parts of this movie, but not all of it, and usually with my father who will watch it every time it’s on TV.

10. The Searchers

11. Dr. Strangelove or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

12. Star Wars — The Empire Strikes Back I am a die-hard, Jar-Jar Binks-hating, original trilogy was the best, fan.

13. Raiders of the Lost Ark Indiana Jones rocks. That is all.

14. This Is Spinal Tap

15. To Kill a Mockingbird

16. Airplane! So many jokes, so little time.

17. Jaws. The music alone is enough to make chills run down my spine.

18. Singin’ in the Rain Love, love, love! I sing the songs with my niece all the time.

19. Vertigo

20. Once Upon a Time in the West

21. The Breakfast Club As a child of the 80s, this is required watching. There’s something about Judd Nelson thrusting his fist in the air as he walks across the football field…

22. 2001: A Space Odyssey

23. The Sound of Music Love! I was even in the musical in high school. The hills are alive…

24. Blade Runner Probably one of the few Harrison Ford movies I haven’t seen and/or have no desire to see.

25. Brazil I had to look this one up; I’d never even heard of it.

26. A Hard Day’s Night I guess I’m not a big enough Beatles fan.

27. Rio Bravo If I’m going to watch a John Wayne movie, I’d rather watch Hitari (which I think should have been on this list).

28. Love, Actually I heart this movie. I heart this movie so very much.

29. Bringing Up Baby. This is on my list to watch if I can ever have time to get to it.

30. Chinatown

31. The Princess Bride Epic movie. Brilliant movie. No one would ever surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley…

32. The Incredibles I’m taking this one to mean the Pixar animated movie, which is wonderful. Pixar rocks.

33. Aliens.  Aliens bursting out of people’s chests? No. Just… No.

34. When Harry Met Sally Not one of my favorites. Funny, yes (“I’ll have what she’s having.”), and the ending makes me cry, but it’s not a favorite.

35. Planet of the Apes (1968)

36. Only Angels Have Wings

37. Casablanca I feel like I should have seen this movie, but not enough to actually watch it. Especially since I learned Rick never really says, “Play it again, Sam.”

38. Citizen Kane

39. Sunrise

40. Blazing Saddles Mel Brooks is a genius.

41. Monty Python’s Life of Brian Totally irreverent, but masterfully hilarious.

42. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban As a massive Harry Potter fan, I whole-heartedly agree. Plus, this is my favorite movie of the series. Not my favorite book, but my favorite movie…

43. Sunset Boulevard I’ve read the play and sang “With One Look” in solo musical competitions before, but never seen the movie.

44. Star Wars: Ep. IV A New Hope was the first of a phenomenal trilogy—and pretty spectacular effects-wise when you consider the time frame and the budget for the film.

45. The Godfather  I have no desire to see ANY of the Godfather movies. I realize this, when combined with my lack of interest in the three million Rocky, Tolkien, Woody Allen and Terminator movies, that I could, again, be called un-American. Oh well.

46. Trouble in Paradise

47. The Big Lebowski I have not seen this, though my brother and his friends quote it with abandon.

48. Terms of Endearment  I have a problem with movies that specifically try to manipulate my feelings—like if I see it and don’t cry, I must be a monster. This movie’s who purpose in life is to make you sob, and I’m not okay with that.

49. Forest Gump Another movie I’m not all that wild about. I love Tom Hanks and his movies from the 80s, but in the 90s, he was hitting about 50-50 for me.

50. It Happened One Night

51. The Apartment

52. Dazed and Confused This move rocks so very hard.  I love the music, the actors, the cars…

53. McCabe and Mrs. Miller

54. Apocalypse Now   We were never big on watching Vietnam War movies in my house, probably because my dad is a Vietnam Vet who was overseas for several years.

55. Repulsion  Another one I’ve never heard of…

56. Miller’s Crossing

57. Dirty Dancing   Nobody puts Baby in a corner. Oh, how I longed to be Jennifer Grey dancing with Patrick Swayze. And oh, how many years I had my hair permed to look like Baby’s…

58. Silence of the Lambs This was a movie watched under duress, and one where I was tortured while watching. My friends are well-aware of how much of a wuss I am, yet I was outvoted on the choice of movie one weekend I was staying at a friend’s apartment at Purdue. I was also outvoted on keeping the lights on while watching the movie—which resulted in my “friends” regularly scaring the crap out of me as they walked past the chair I was huddled in.

59. Die Hard  I was not an early fan of these movies, but they kinda grow on you.

60. Blue Velvet

61. The Adventures of Robin Hood  While I have seen many, many versions of the Robin Hood tale, I have not seen this 1938 version with Errol Flynn. I must also mention that Robin Hood Men in Tights is my favorite version of all to watch.

62. Broadcast News  At first I was confused and thought, I watch the broadcasted news every day… But then I realized this was actually a movie.

63. Touch of Evil

64. WALL-E  I so very much want to see this movie, but have not had the chance. It looks adorable.

65. Grease  I love Grease so much that I have also watched the sequel. There is a reason the sequel is not on this list. However, I love Grease and cannot watch without singing along.

66. Pulp Fiction  No thank you—though I am good at doing the two-fingers-across-your-eyes dance.

67. Playtime

68. Psycho  See my comment about Hitchcock and being a scary movie wuss.

69. A Fish Called Wanda  Despite the fact it includes some of my favorite people: writer John Cleese, stars Kevin Kline & Jamie Lee Curtis, I did not love this movie.

70. Say Anything Though I love many movies that parody this movie and/or use it in their plotlines, I’m not overly in love with it.

71. Close Encounters of the Third Kind

72. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

73. Moulin Rouge  I love parts of this movie, and belt out “Come What May” when I’m alone in my car, but it’s not a favorite, and my life does not feel forever changed by watching it.

74. Clueless  I love this movie for its incredible trivialness, it’s summation of what life was like as a high school student in the 90s, and how I am instantly transported back in time whenever I watch it.

75. A Clockwork Orange

76. Back to the Future  One of my favorite events in college was when we spliced all three Back to the Future movies together into one, massively epic movie, reserved Pruis Hall, and served mounds and mounds of popcorn while we watched it. I love these movies.

77. Stagecoach  I watched this ages ago with my mother, who is a huge John Wayne fan, but I don’t remember much.

78. Crimes and Misdemeanors

79. Some Like it Hot  I’ve seen bits and pieces, but never the whole thing in one stretch.

80. Rear Window

81. Schindler’s List  This, of all the movies on this list, is the most life-changing movie that forever changed  how I looked at life. It is stunning and stark and so much more than images on a screen.  Note: do not start this movie at 10 PM if you have 8 AM classes the next morning.

82. Excalibur

83. West Side Story  I totally wanted to be a Jet, and then a Shark, and then be Maria. This is another movie I can’t watch without singing along. There’s only one scene I don’t like, and that’s the scene where Maria and Tony are at the school dance.

84. Badlands

85. Monty Python and the Holy Grail I could quote this movie before I ever saw it, and I love it. Monty Python are beyond hilarious. (I’m not dead yet! She’s a witch, burn her! Come back here, I’ll bite your kneecaps off! Your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries!)

86. Taxi Driver

87. La Dolce Vita

88. Two-Lane Blacktop

89. Star Trek (2009)  I still want to see this one! First, Chris Pine is gorgeous, and second, I’m a Star Trek fan (though not a trekkie). But mostly because Chris Pine is gorgeous.

90. My Neighbor Totoro

91. Goodfellas  While I love mobster stories and the idea of them, I’m more of a mobsters in the 20s—a la Chicago and the Valentine’s Day massacre—fan.

92. Gladiator

93. All About Eve

94. Tootsie  This was a favorite movie of a friend, and it was okay, but not really my cup of tea.

95. Slap Shot

96. Donnie Darko  I have an ex that loved this movie. We never got around to watching it and now I have vowed never to watch it, just because it reminds me of him.

97. Fight Club  I’ve been told I need to see it, but it isn’t really my kind of movie.

98. The Earrings of Madame de . . .

99. Seven Samurai

100. Young Frankenstein  Again, Mel Brooks is a genius.

Movies that (I think) should have been included:

1. Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version with Colin Firth). Even for someone who has never read the book, this version is wonderful. I fell in love with the story from this movie, and, while I believe the version with Kiera Knightly is beautiful, you don’t get the whole story.
2. Phantom of the Opera. The movie adaptation was wonderfully done–the singing was lovely, the costumes even more so, and it stayed true to the stage musical.
3. The Avengers. If Clueless can be on the previous list, then The Avengers has to be on my list–it forever changed my movie-watching habits, as I am now massively into superhero movies.
4. Hatari. I mentioned it before, but it’s my favorite John Wayne movie of all time. Plus, there are a lot of awesome stars who are also in it.
5. The Longest Day. How can a movie with every major (and some not-yet-major) actor of the time not be on this list?! It was made about D-Day right after D-Day, so everyone wanted to take part. We’re talking John Wayne, Henry Fonda, Robert Mitchum, Sean Connery, Richard Burton, Paul Anka, Red Buttons and Robert Wagner, to name just a few!
6. Gone with the Wind. Seriously, how was this one skipped? As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!
7. Ben-Hur. I think I watched this movie every Easter growing up. It’s an Epic!
8. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Dude, this was Disney’s first animated movie. It HAS to be on this list!
9. Interview with a Vampire. Though I didn’t really like this one, I feel it was the first in what has become an obsession with vampires. Though, let me state for the record, that Brad Pitt made a much, much, much better vampire than Robert Pattinson. Plus, no one sparkled in Interview with a Vampire.
10. Evita. I feel like Evita started the musicals-into-movies trend that has spawned many truly wonderful films lately. Evita was so very well done, too.
11. Amadeus. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! It was stunning and the last scenes so poignant. It’s hard to believe that someone as great as Mozart could have died a pauper buried in a mass grave.
12. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Such an awesome movie! It gets me every time when I get to the “Raindrops keep falling on your head” scene, because it kills me that THAT song is in THAT movie! Plus, we can attribute it to the start of all of Robert Redford’s Sundance vision: the Film Festival, Institute, Ranch, Channel, Resort…

And the list of movies I just think everyone should watch and enjoy:

• What’s your Number?
• The Phantom
• All 4 Lethal Weapon movies
• Clue
• The Losers
• Valentine’s Day
• Any Disney/Pixar animated movie
• Strictly Ballroom
• Any Mel Brooks movie
• Iron Man
• Captain America
• Harry Potter (all of them)
• The Ghost and Mrs. Mur
• The Private Eyes
• The Labyrinth
• Hook
• The Great Outdoors
• The Mummy (1999)
• You’ve Got Mail
• The Seven Wives of Henry Lefay

I’m probably missing some, but that’s what’s coming to mind…

the BIG event.

This week has been so crazy that I haven’t had much of a chance to write—and I had something I really wanted to write about! Last Saturday I was part of an awesome, awesome event. I work at a university, and for the second year in a row, we participated in The BIG Event.

What is this big event, you ask? First, I would like to point out that the actual name of the event is The BIG Event. I’ve had a few “Who’s on First” type rounds with friends and family members over that one.

“Oh, I’m doing The BIG Event on Saturday.”
“What event is that?”
“The BIG Event.”
“Okay, what big event is it?”
“No, it’s called The BIG Event.”

But anyway, The BIG Event is a day of service done by universities all over the country, volunteering in their communities as a thank you to the cities and towns that support us. How it all came to be, is in 1982, Joe Nussbaum, who was the Vice President of the Student Government Association at Texas A&M University at the time, envisioned a one-day service project where residents of Bryan and College Station would be shown appreciation for their continued support of Texas A&M University students during their college careers. Joe believed that it was the least the students could do to give one big thanks to their community on one big day each year.

Fast forward 31 years, and The BIG Event has grown into the largest one-day, student-led service project in the nation, with over 75 universities across the country participating. IPFW (where I work) brought The BIG Event to Indiana for the first time on Saturday, March 24, 2012. That first year at IPFW saw about 600 volunteers spending their day volunteering at 32 agencies in Fort Wayne.

This year, on March 23, 2013, over 1,000 IPFW students, staff, faculty and administrators pre-registered to volunteer to work at 39 not-for-profit agencies—and a couple hundred more showed up to participate on Saturday! From 9 – 2, IPFW was out in our community “painting the town IPFW blue!”

Painting jumps in one of the pastures at Dare to Dream Youth Ranch

Two of our department’s student workers and I volunteered together, and we volunteered at the Dare to Dream Youth Ranch. It was a fabulous experience! Dare to Dream is a wonderful agency that seeks to heal and give back in multiple ways: first, they rescue abused, neglected and dying horses and offer them a forever home where they will be loved and heal. Then, once the horse has been rehabilitated (and if they are able), the horse is trained to work with children—teaching them to care for and ride the horses.

Blue was such a good boy to let Don the Mastodon go for a ride!

Many of the kids that participate at the ranch are at-risk and on probation, somewhere in the system (I have a friend that works at SCAN, and she’s had some of the kids she works with go out to the ranch), suffering from mobility issues, and they work with a large number of autistic children. I see this as a win-win situation: the horses get loved on and cared for, and the kids learn responsibility and unconditional love. Plus, it’s horses, so no down side.

There were 40 IPFW volunteers that boarded a huge coach bus and headed out to the ranch. We were greeted with doughnuts, coffee and hot cocoa (fabulous!), a roaring bonfire, and a cheery and appreciative staff who welcomed us and put us to work! I was part of a painting crew and, true to form, had a swatch of white paint across my butt within the first 20 minutes of work.  We painted jumps and then started painting pasture fences while other groups moved hay bales, built a bench, repaired horse blankets, picked up trash… Basically we helped them do hundreds of little things that would have gone undone—but needed—for quite a while.

At first the horses were outside with us, but it was a little distracting (not to mention the horses seem to think the paint makes a great drink, and the brushes look tasty), so they moved them to another pasture while we worked. I got to assuage my need for horsey-time, which was wonderful, and loved on a few horses during our lunch break—including the sweetest Clydesdale named Thunder, who gave me kisses.

Another group at D2D, doing “manly” work on the ranch.

It was wonderful! It was perfect weather—I was content in my long-sleeved t-shirt with my “I am making a difference The BIG Event 2013 t-shirt over it—not too hot, not too cold, a lovely breeze blowing… Plus, I’ve missed spending time at the barn and spending time with horses, and I had the added bonus of giving back to an organization dedicated to something that also has my heart. It was a long day of hard work, and I was tired and sore (and covered in paint) by the time I got home, but it was worth every minute.

I’m also planning to volunteer at D2D ranch! There are a couple of ways I would love to help out—many of which include just spending time working at the barn! I’ll have to break out my old riding boots again, and maybe even my old Ball State Equestrian Team jacket. It’ll feel like old home week!

lessons

Yesterday I learned quite a few things, and none of them were in my Master’s class.

First, I learned that I am not, according to my almost-3-years-old niece, people. We had an evening gathering with some of the staff at work (I came after my class), and my sister-in-law (who works in the same office as I do) was answering questions from my niece on the way there.

Niece: Where are we going?
SIL: To a party.
Niece: Will there be lots of people there?
SIL: Oh, probably about 10 or so.
Niece: Oh.
SIL: Aunt Kris will be there, too.
Niece: She’s not people.
SIL: Aunt Kris isn’t people?
Niece: No.
SIL: Then what is she?
Niece: I don’t know. Aunt Kris.

I also learned that, even at not quite 3, a toddler knows what her mommy would like her to eat and what her mommy wouldn’t like her to eat. There were a few student workers at the gathering last night, and they all thought my niece and nephew were adorable (as they should). When it was time to get food, I was helping my niece pick what food she wanted to eat (“No, let’s not eat chocolate first. How about a few grapes instead?”). One of the student workers offered her a small potato chip and, since my SIL had said she could have whatever (within reason), I let her try it. She looked at the student worker, looked at the chip, and then her eyes slid over to where her mommy was busy getting her little brother taken care of, then slid over to me before she opened her mouth to eat the chip. Her little eyebrows went up and she smiled at the student worker and calmly took another chip from him.

I also learned that, despite being transfixed by the DVD menu screen for 30+ minutes, a toddler can lose complete interest in an animated movie within 15 minutes of it starting. She can also make meowing sounds repeatedly for an additional 10 minutes unless you take her into the hallway to burn off some energy. While in the hallway, she will find anything to be fascinating—a table, chairs, a doorstop, even a rug. She will also find the one thing that makes the most noise and want to play with it as much as possible. Even if it is a chair.

She will also want you to try to fix her ponytail while she is shaking her head, sit with you, then with mommy, then with you, then with mommy… She will get sleepy and start to drift off in your arms, then wiggle down to run some more in order to stay awake at all costs. She will also get shy again when it’s time to go home, and lift her arms up to you so you can hold her, and then suck her thumb and play with your ear because she’s feeling a little insecure. She will also snuggle in for a brief moment or two when you give her kisses on her cheek, and then watch the “big kids” owlishly when they come over to say good-bye.

She will demand to hold Mommy’s hand when you leave, and have a meltdown when you try to put her in her car seat (No! I want Mommy!), and then give you kisses and tell you she loves you and thank you for playing with me when you lean in to kiss her good-bye.

She will also remove her 9-month-old brother’s pacifier while riding home with her mommy, so that he screams for 20 minutes of the 30-minute drive home, until he finally falls completely asleep. She will also tell her mommy that she doesn’t know where the pacifier is when her mommy asks (even though it’s clipped to his shirt) while they’re driving, since she can’t see him in his rear-facing car seat. And then, the next morning, she will ask her mommy if she can go to work with her and Aunt Kris and watch a movie again (because that’s what we do here at work).

33

In exactly two weeks, I will be turning 33. How did this happen? I mean, I understand the whole, every year I get older thing, but 33? That’s three years past 30. I don’t feel 30, let alone 33.

On the bright side, I’m told I also don’t look 33, which is good for my ego. Though, there was I was speaking with a student (I work in an advising office at a university), and somehow we got onto the subject of age, and she asked me how old I was. I said over 30 (I think I was 31 at the time), and she replied, eyes wide, “I didn’t think you were over 24!” That would have made me feel pretty good, except for her tone of voice, which made me feel like she thought 24 was older than dirt, so anyone over that… well, you get the idea.

I really don’t know why 33 is bothering me so much. I had no trouble turning 30, which might have been due to the distracting possibility of getting a niece as a birthday present (which we missed by 21 days) and a surprise party that really wasn’t a surprise (it’s a little clue when your mom calls and asks, “If you were going to invite some friends to a birthday party, who would you invite?” She’s the sweetest person you could ever hope to know, but stealthy she’s not). Now, in a little over a month, my niece is turning 3—that little baby girl is now running around the house, telling stories about princesses, and stealing my shoes so I can’t go home when I come to visit. (Last night, after I chased her down for my shoes, she practically shoved my mom out the front door and stood in the doorway with her little arms out and said, “No, Aunt Kris, you can’t go home!” Have I said how much I love that little girl?)

To add insult to injury, this year is my 15^th year high school reunion. Seriously? When someone says “about 10 years ago…” I still think of the 90s. And I caught myself referring to a group of high school students as “kids” the other day—as in, “Don’t those kids have any sense? It’s 30 degrees out, and they’re wearing shorts!” (Which I have also said in reference to a few college students wearing flip flops in the snow). I fear a whipper-snappers reference isn’t far behind.

I now worry about dressing and acting too youthful, and I even questioned my planning to hang out with some of the peer advisors at work tomorrow night. Granted, their supervisor (my sister-in-law) and her two munchkins are going too—which is one main reason I’m coming along; when the munchkins outnumber the adults they’re familiar with, it’s not good—and the peers are pretty cool (and I think they think I’m pretty cool since they were psyched I’m coming), but I start to worry that I’m the creepy older person that wants to hang with the young kids because she thinks she’s still one of them.

But I don’t feel that old! I feel like I’m still in my 20s! It probably doesn’t help that I’m back to taking classes (towards the Master’s I swore I didn’t want or need, and still don’t really want but pretty much have to get), so I’m a college student again, and I work at a university, supervise 5 student workers, and generally feel that I can’t be that old, because I was supposed to have my act together by this age, and I’m so not there yet.

A bright spot is that one of my best friends is exactly one week older than I am, so she will be turning 33 a week before I do (ha HA, Angie!) and, thus, can shed some experienced light on the wonderful world of 33. Pointing this out to her, repeatedly, also makes for fun times and lessens the blow, and since we haven’t lived in the same state since sophomore year of high school (which, I am forced to remember, was 17 years ago), I fear little retribution.

heros

I’ve been into superhero movies lately, and it’s got me thinking: what would I do in the same situation? You always see these brave men and women, fighting against all odds, putting their lives at risk–or in those crazy, scary situations like shootings at schools, or in war, you hear about the people who take fire to shield another, who risk their own lives to save others.

I want to think I would do the same–who doesn’t? I want to think that I would be brave and fight; I want to be the person who stands up for what’s right and risks their life to save another. I want to be the teacher who distracts the shooter so her students can get away. I want to be the person who runs back into the burning building to save a friend or family member.

But what would I really do in that situation? Would I hide under my desk when the shots begin to fire? Would I panic and run for my life? Would I just save myself, and forget about anyone else?

And part of me hopes I never have to find out.

knots.

The last few weeks have been a crazy roller coaster ride. The good has been really good, but the bad has been really bad–and has caused me to start over-thinking things, per usual. There are times I wish I could just shut my brain off–just flip a switch and make it go silent and numb so I could have a moment of peace.

You already know that a good friend of mine’s brother lost his life to cancer after 2 years of fighting. His memorial service was yesterday afternoon; I didn’t attend because I felt this was something for the family. Instead, on Friday night a good friend of Jessica (who lost her brother) and mine from high school came up from Indy so we could all go out and celebrate Vinny’s life–have our own little memorial and reunion.

We had a blast. Bo is hilarious, and we were out until about 3 Saturday morning, which I haven’t done in years. It was a night of firsts: my first time seeing Bo since high school, my first time eating sushi (the Boston roll was awesome), the first time I’ve been back to Henry’s (local bar) since the Aaron debacle (a long, sad story about an ex named Aaron)… We talked and laughed and drank–it was a night of confessions and remembering.

Then Sunday comes. I woke up to a posting on Facebook from a college roommate that her brother had heart failure and was in a medically-induced coma. I get a call from my parents that my niece and nephew have pinkeye and my brother is quite sick–which was upgraded at a later phone call to say my sister-in-law called them and asked them to take him to the ER because he was in such bad shape.

Talk about a jolt. My bother’s okay, but he’s my big brother. He’s not supposed to get sick. Especially not ER sick.

Then this morning my friend posted that her brother passed away.

And my sister-in-law called and said she got an e-mail that where we work is cutting another 15 jobs.

My stomach is in knots.

call me marilyn.

For some reason, I can’t seem to get with it for proper wardrobe choices this week. This week is Spring Break, so I thought I’d kick it off by wearing something a little spring-y, right? It hit 60 degrees on Sunday, and Monday was supposed to be a little cooler, but I work in an office and would only be walking from my car to the building. So, I pull out a cute little dress, throw a cardigan over it, pull on some tights, and bust out the brand new shoes I’ve been dying to wear since I got an awesome deal on them about a month ago. They’re open toed wedges with little cut-outs on the sides… Adorable and definitely not winter-wear. But it’s Spring! And when it comes to shoes, I turn into a 5 year-old begging my mommy to let me wear my new shoes out of the store.

I began to have my doubts when I stepped out of my apartment to a light sprinkling of rain, but, no worries, I’ll just avoid puddles! No problem! Then it started to rain harder on my drive in. I may have looked like I was playing hopscotch on my walk in to work, avoiding puddles, but I arrived (relatively) dry and happy.

Then it was time for lunch. I needed to do some running on lunch, so I headed out to the car–and halted at the doors when I saw a monsoon outside. And my umbrella was in the car. Of course.

I was no longer dry and happy when I got to my car.

I used my umbrella to get back into the office, so of course it wasn’t raining much at all on the walk back in, and when I went to leave for the day, it wasn’t raining at all. Instead, it was massively windy. I never realized how short my dress was until yesterday afternoon.

You know the iconic photo of Marilyn wearing the white dress in The Seven Year Itch? Where she’s standing on the grate, and her dress is blowing up to her face? I know how that felt–only I was carrying an over-sized black umbrella, a purse, and a lunch bag, and tugging at my jacket so it covered my rear end and didn’t give the staff also walking to their cars a show. And I was so busy tugging that I didn’t watch where I was walking, and forgot to avoid puddles.

Somehow I doubt the picture I made was anything remotely as sexy as Marilyn.